Living only a Bart ride away from SF, I don't actually make it to the city that often. That said, I've gone twice in two days, and went to Fisherman's Wharf, Ghiradelli Square, and Coit Tower all without the help of buses. We walked EVERYWHERE, from Powell to Bush/Mason to Fisherman's Wharf's In-N-Out to Ghiradelli Square back to Bush/Mason back to Powell. And then the following day, we started at Montgomery, walked through Little Italy to Pier 39 and Fisherman's Wharf, and walked along the water back to Embarcadero. It was a lot of walking and my feet hurt, but it was nice to be able to take in the sights without being cramped next to a stranger and without the frustrations of waiting for the (always-late) Muni.
Tuesday, May 29
came back from Saratoga, had lunch w/ a friend at Joshuya's (mmm rock-'n-roll: avocado, eel, cucumber in a sushi roll... AMAZING), picked up a friend from the airport and almost went to Hooter's in San Francisco (but instead, we opted for In-N-Out), devoured sundaes at Ghiradelli Square and strolled back to Powell
Wednesday, May 30
after eating a scrumptious breakfast at La Note, my friend from Cornell/Colorado/Saratoga/Portola Valley and I went yet again into the city with the intent of finding dim sum for lunch, but by the time we were hungry we had walked to the water and craved clam chowder instead. then we found the most marvelous museum of old coin-operated games, except that some of them weren't games. OLD-SCHOOL PORN where you put in a coin and it shows you images when you look down the lens. oh my goodness so funny. we wandered around the water and spent some time tasting in the Ferry Building, then we went back to Berkeley, bought books at the closing Barnes and Noble, had pearl milk tea, and ate dinner at Crepes-a-Go-Go with his friend from Cornell/Hong Kong/Thailand. then we looked at apartments with him (he's working in Oakland for the summer) and didn't get horrendously lost. luckily he REALLY liked the second apartment so he took it on the spot. it was super cool to meet a friend's friend, and it's always nice to see people I know interact with people.
Work starts MONDAY in Albany (YAY no 2 hour crazy commute!). I am super excited. It should be good.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
just for fun
Obviously, I'm bored and don't wish to sleep quite yet.
For a quick summary, I passed all my classes. I am graduated and will being full-time work on June 4. Until then, I am moving out of my Saratoga house, entertaining a friend from middle school, visiting the State Capitol, and getting ready for working all the time. YAY!
The "Grown Up" Survey
(Meant to be completed by those out of high school)
Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids?
'Have you ever kissed someone?'
'Missed someone?'
'Told someone you loved them?'
'Drank alcohol?'
Here are 50 questions for the people who are a little more "mature"...
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Rent
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Romantic, eh?
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
never
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
never
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
heidel (spl? but i do remember her name)
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
sleeping
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
teacher... and now that i can, i wimped out. i'll get to it soon enough.
8. How many colleges did you attend?
cal
9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
something to wear
10. Gas Price?
3.5? depending on where you are
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
i wouldn't
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
already?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
sleepy...
14. Favorite style of underwear?
women's ^.^
15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
hey. if you're hot, you can wear whatever you want.
16. What errand/chore do you despise?
cleaning: dusting, vacuuming, etc.
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
yes
18. Get up early or sleep in?
get up
19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
snoopy? charlie brown? winnie the pooh? no great reasons.
20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
talking
21. Have you found real love yet?
how do you know when it is real? it feels real, but how do i KNOW?
22. When did you first start feeling old?
graduation. not old in the "twenty is old", but old in the "i'm going to be working full-time!"
23. Favorite 80's movie?
not sue when any movies were made
24. Your favorite lunch meat?
pastrami
25. What do you get every time you go into Walmart?
don't shop there
26. Beach or lake?
lake
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
nope
28. How many people do you stalk on Facebook?
... not any
29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
fruit crepes for dinner. or jamba juice for lunch or dinner.
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
...
31. What's your drink?
lemonade. as long as it's fresh. pomegranate, rasberry, strawberry, blueberry, etc.
32. Cowboys or Indians?
...
33. Cops or Robbers?
cops
34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
...
35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
...
36. Norm or Cliff?
... who?
37. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
cosby
39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
yep
40. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
nobody
41. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
...
42. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
...
43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
nope
44. Last book you read for real?
bookseller of kabul
45. Do you have a teddy bear?
somewhere
46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
in the kitchen when my roommie was showering
47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
national parks!!
48. Do you go to church?
nope
49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
i am starting a new career. i don't need a new relationship.
50. Just how OLD are you?
20.
For a quick summary, I passed all my classes. I am graduated and will being full-time work on June 4. Until then, I am moving out of my Saratoga house, entertaining a friend from middle school, visiting the State Capitol, and getting ready for working all the time. YAY!
The "Grown Up" Survey
(Meant to be completed by those out of high school)
Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids?
'Have you ever kissed someone?'
'Missed someone?'
'Told someone you loved them?'
'Drank alcohol?'
Here are 50 questions for the people who are a little more "mature"...
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Rent
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Romantic, eh?
3. Last time you puked from drinking?
never
4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
never
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
heidel (spl? but i do remember her name)
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
sleeping
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
teacher... and now that i can, i wimped out. i'll get to it soon enough.
8. How many colleges did you attend?
cal
9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
something to wear
10. Gas Price?
3.5? depending on where you are
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
i wouldn't
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
already?
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
sleepy...
14. Favorite style of underwear?
women's ^.^
15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
hey. if you're hot, you can wear whatever you want.
16. What errand/chore do you despise?
cleaning: dusting, vacuuming, etc.
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
yes
18. Get up early or sleep in?
get up
19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
snoopy? charlie brown? winnie the pooh? no great reasons.
20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
talking
21. Have you found real love yet?
how do you know when it is real? it feels real, but how do i KNOW?
22. When did you first start feeling old?
graduation. not old in the "twenty is old", but old in the "i'm going to be working full-time!"
23. Favorite 80's movie?
not sue when any movies were made
24. Your favorite lunch meat?
pastrami
25. What do you get every time you go into Walmart?
don't shop there
26. Beach or lake?
lake
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
nope
28. How many people do you stalk on Facebook?
... not any
29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
fruit crepes for dinner. or jamba juice for lunch or dinner.
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
...
31. What's your drink?
lemonade. as long as it's fresh. pomegranate, rasberry, strawberry, blueberry, etc.
32. Cowboys or Indians?
...
33. Cops or Robbers?
cops
34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
...
35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
...
36. Norm or Cliff?
... who?
37. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
cosby
39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
yep
40. If you could get away with it, who would you kill?
nobody
41. What famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
...
42. What famous person would you like to sleep with?
...
43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
nope
44. Last book you read for real?
bookseller of kabul
45. Do you have a teddy bear?
somewhere
46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
in the kitchen when my roommie was showering
47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
national parks!!
48. Do you go to church?
nope
49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
i am starting a new career. i don't need a new relationship.
50. Just how OLD are you?
20.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
The Countdown Continues...
We have sold the Saratoga house, so as of June 1, 2007, we will no longer own it. Theoretically, by that time, our Cupertino house will be fully remodeled so we can move in over Memorial Day weekend. My dad made the executive decision that I am not going to Taiwan anymore. I would have made that same decision, but I would have appreciated making that decision myself.
Cabaret preview is tonight... it's going to be fantastic.
I am taking the CBEST Saturday, but the practice test was easy, so hopefully, it won't be a problem.
I find out my CSET score on Monday.
SCORE! is calling sometime after that to ask if I am taking the job or not.
I am late. To what? I'm not precisely sure. But I will continue later...
Time does not slip away. It blatantly sticks out its tongue at you while you scramble to fulfill all of your commitments. There is nothing subtle about it. It laughs, it jests, but as it keeps marching by, you realize the futility of arguing with it, and you can only be swept away and hurry to your next destination.
Cabaret preview is tonight... it's going to be fantastic.
I am taking the CBEST Saturday, but the practice test was easy, so hopefully, it won't be a problem.
I find out my CSET score on Monday.
SCORE! is calling sometime after that to ask if I am taking the job or not.
I am late. To what? I'm not precisely sure. But I will continue later...
Time does not slip away. It blatantly sticks out its tongue at you while you scramble to fulfill all of your commitments. There is nothing subtle about it. It laughs, it jests, but as it keeps marching by, you realize the futility of arguing with it, and you can only be swept away and hurry to your next destination.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The Countdown Begins...
...
2nd to last day sleeping in the Toga house
1 week and a day until Tech (2 weeks and a day until Opening Night) of Cabaret
<>
Life has been treating me okay. Things are worse, things are better, the ebb and flow of all the positives and the negatives make life interesting. There was a pretty rough week and half, and then spring break happened right on cue.
Spring break has been lots of packing (or avoidance of packing). My poor mother has had to do so much of the packing herself. My sister, too, spent her week back from LA packing and providing manual labor for my mother. We are mostly packed, but it's never really going to be done. In the last couple of days we've packed, packed, rearranged furniture, staged the house, steamed the carpets, and soon we will have agents/brokers previewing the house on Saturday, to be listed on Monday. This has happened all too quickly. It hit me two days ago that we were down to the final days of living in Saratoga.
I have had my issues with Saratoga; I still do. But that doesn't change the fact that I have woken up in this house almost every day from 3rd grade to 12th grade. And even as I began to refer to my Berkeley apartment as "home", "home" was still really this enormous house in Saratoga.
The house is now almost empty of our things, only furniture remains. Most of the decorations aren't even ours. A stager brought them in to make our house look more presentable. Even though I don't agree with all of her choices, the house does look beautiful, just like every single house you've ever seen on sale. Just don't look in the garage. All of the furniture not used in the house and all of the packed boxes are stuffed into the garage, and the cars got moved outside.
The Cupertino house isn't finished yet, but we will move the instant it is done. April 7th, they say. Right, we reply. It is smaller, but remodeled, and will be much cozier than the Saratoga house.
Thanks, Mommy, for taking care of EVERYTHING and packing the majority of the house. I had enough trouble packing my own room.
Next time, graduation. For now, taking my sister to the airport.
2nd to last day sleeping in the Toga house
1 week and a day until Tech (2 weeks and a day until Opening Night) of Cabaret
<>
Life has been treating me okay. Things are worse, things are better, the ebb and flow of all the positives and the negatives make life interesting. There was a pretty rough week and half, and then spring break happened right on cue.
Spring break has been lots of packing (or avoidance of packing). My poor mother has had to do so much of the packing herself. My sister, too, spent her week back from LA packing and providing manual labor for my mother. We are mostly packed, but it's never really going to be done. In the last couple of days we've packed, packed, rearranged furniture, staged the house, steamed the carpets, and soon we will have agents/brokers previewing the house on Saturday, to be listed on Monday. This has happened all too quickly. It hit me two days ago that we were down to the final days of living in Saratoga.
I have had my issues with Saratoga; I still do. But that doesn't change the fact that I have woken up in this house almost every day from 3rd grade to 12th grade. And even as I began to refer to my Berkeley apartment as "home", "home" was still really this enormous house in Saratoga.
The house is now almost empty of our things, only furniture remains. Most of the decorations aren't even ours. A stager brought them in to make our house look more presentable. Even though I don't agree with all of her choices, the house does look beautiful, just like every single house you've ever seen on sale. Just don't look in the garage. All of the furniture not used in the house and all of the packed boxes are stuffed into the garage, and the cars got moved outside.
The Cupertino house isn't finished yet, but we will move the instant it is done. April 7th, they say. Right, we reply. It is smaller, but remodeled, and will be much cozier than the Saratoga house.
Thanks, Mommy, for taking care of EVERYTHING and packing the majority of the house. I had enough trouble packing my own room.
Next time, graduation. For now, taking my sister to the airport.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Los Angeles, Janaury 2007, Graduation
January 6-8
Possibly the shortest trip to Los Angeles ever.
January 6
Possibly the shortest trip to Los Angeles ever.
January 6
- 10am: left Saratoga for OAK
- 11am: arrived at OAK to pick up car, a green Ford Taurus (reminiscent of IF's old car)
- 11:15am: arrived at San Leandro BART station to pick SB up
- 11:30am: departed San Leandro BART station for Los Angeles
- sometime in between: stopped for restroom, stopped for food, stopped for gas
- 5:30pm: arrived at UCLA
- sometime later: ate dinner at Hurry Curry on Sawtelle with the sister, JW, RT, EK, TH and SB
- sometime after that: shopped at the Santa Monica Promenade, forgot to go the beach, oops
- stayed at EK's apt
January 7
- walked around Westwood
- ate breakfast/lunch at Westwood's Novel Cafe (the only reason was because Novel was in the name. no joke.) - it was super expensive, and very LA, meaning we ate outside, people-watched, and enjoyed the beautiful sun
- walked around more in Westwood
- karaoke-ed at Yuu Yuu on Sawtelle with RT, EK, JY, CW and SB
- picked up the sister and ate dinner at the LA Farmer's Market - more food court than market, I had blackened chicken salad with honey mustard sauce, my sister ate about half of it.
- met my sister's friends at Rieber
- got lost going to House of Pies, but found it finally
- stayed at CW's apartment
January 8
- ate lunch with JP and her bf
- went home via Monterey
- missed Junction 46, so we took 198, which is windy and hilly, but we got out before it got dark, thank goodness
- missed the exit a couple of times, but eventually got on the right road
- got to Monterey by 7pm
- ate dinner at the Old Fisherman's Grotto - at night, it gets super decked out and pretty: candles, flowers, the whole bit. I felt underdressed with my flip flops. and they gave me a flower when we left. it was cute.
- got back to Berkeley by 10pm. not bad, considering we took a longer route and drove past the right exit a couple of times.
While it was short, the trip had its moments. Thanks to everybody who hung out with us and housed us. My sister drove the whole way down! And I had to drive the whole way up. It was nice to spend time with people in a fairly low-key environment, whether it be over food or in the car. Monterey was gorgeous, and getting back to Berkeley was delightful.
This break has been full of nothing-ness. Probably needed nothing-ness, as I don't know when my next real break will be. I graduate in May and will need to start working ASAP regardless of where I live (hopefully Berkeley). I hope that this break was sufficient. I plan to either work more next semester, or at least do everything I do well. Mat Pilates at 8:15 MWF and Pilates on the Ball 8:00 TuTh. Good luck to me on making those classes.
Everything is good. Sometimes it seems too good. I don't mean that in the too-good-to-be-true sort of way, but in the we-are-very-comfortable-it-might-be-a-problem sort of way. I will remember that we all have other hobbies, and it is for the best that we do other things in addition to spending quality time together. I'll have my hands full worrying about graduation and stage managing a show. He will have his hands full working for the Mayor and serving on a commission. I will remember that break is very unrepresentative of real life. I am going to be more communicative, but at the same time, not feel the need to be upset over everything. I will be more open to other ideas and other people's way of doing things. I will trust that everything will work out for the best. I will not be overly optimistic, but I will not be a pessimist "just for the sake of it" either. We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but there is no need to be worked up about it too far in advance. Everything will be fine. I need to trust.
This break has been full of nothing-ness. Probably needed nothing-ness, as I don't know when my next real break will be. I graduate in May and will need to start working ASAP regardless of where I live (hopefully Berkeley). I hope that this break was sufficient. I plan to either work more next semester, or at least do everything I do well. Mat Pilates at 8:15 MWF and Pilates on the Ball 8:00 TuTh. Good luck to me on making those classes.
Everything is good. Sometimes it seems too good. I don't mean that in the too-good-to-be-true sort of way, but in the we-are-very-comfortable-it-might-be-a-problem sort of way. I will remember that we all have other hobbies, and it is for the best that we do other things in addition to spending quality time together. I'll have my hands full worrying about graduation and stage managing a show. He will have his hands full working for the Mayor and serving on a commission. I will remember that break is very unrepresentative of real life. I am going to be more communicative, but at the same time, not feel the need to be upset over everything. I will be more open to other ideas and other people's way of doing things. I will trust that everything will work out for the best. I will not be overly optimistic, but I will not be a pessimist "just for the sake of it" either. We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but there is no need to be worked up about it too far in advance. Everything will be fine. I need to trust.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Thanksgiving Weekend
Thanksgiving. Not the only time during the year we give thanks, I hope, but one that's easy to remember (so we thank at least once a year).
What I'm grateful for:
What I'm grateful for:
- the chances and opportunities that I have been given
- UCCE - the people I've gotten to meet and work with
- BareStage - my first love at Berkeley, my first good friends, my first involved extracurricular activity
- Women's Chorale - so I'm not REALLY singing this semester, but I love the organization and the director and what it tries to do, I hope next semester works out better for everybody
- attending UC Berkeley - a fine institution, even if I'm getting out early
- living an hour away from home - even though I don't make it home quite as much as I should, it's still nice that it's close
- piano lessons - I wanted to quit, they wouldn't let me; they wanted me to quit, I refused; glad I stuck with it
- flute lessons
- instruments to play on
- teachers, professors, and other adults - working with these people in all sorts of different capacities gives me an experience I'm not sure I can get elsewhere
- good friends - even if we don't always have time, I still know who I can count on
- the people I have met and loved (I don't usually do names, on account of privacy, but I am going to use initials... ask me with questions, but I'm sure you can figure out who you are):
- k.w. - gone are the days of hours of endless conversation, or silence, depending on the day, and I'll never forget the tumultuous days of our friendship. instead, though, now we have something great that has finally calmed down. for all the times I called you in tears, for all the times I called you in anger, for all the times I called you for directions, for all the times I called "just to say hi", thank you.
- i.f. - it's been a long time? foothill, redwood, saratoga... I can always count on you to provide me with a social life whenever we're home, the alternation of the fondue set, for being the friend who says "no more drama. but if there is, I have to be the first to know!" so I suppose I should apologize for having almost no drama recently, but maybe it's time for a break.
- s.b. - do I need to say more? you've met my friends, and you know you've been a good thing in my life. sometimes, life is mundane, and walking five minutes is all we have, and other times, we go on like the day will never end. I'm fortunate to have any of it at all, and simply really blessed to have all of it, as I do. I hope you can always tell how much I cherish what we have, because you deserve to know every day.
- and so many many more. little tidbits will come as life goes on, there is no order, there is no reason, only the fact that if I wrote everybody today, I'll never finish, but just so you know it's coming: sl, th, jc, ps, ek, ep, ek, ak, ac, dz, tl, mf, ay, gw, jj, jl, and the list goes on.
- Wednesday
- went home super super late
- somebody was cool enough to come get me
- though I did smell weed throughout my wait at the beautiful fremont bart station
- I finished a book! (Singing with the Top Down)
- Thursday
- ate the big feast with the family friends
- everybody's growing up!
- went to bed around 9pm
- Friday
- COSTCO
- picked him up from BART
- looked at the house
- walked around downtown, foothill elementary, saratoga high
- FONDUE
- Saturday
- saratoga bagels
- dim sum
- farmer's market
- dropped him and my sister off
- home for a bit
- airport with dad
- to berkeley
- Sunday
- stayed in all day on account of the rain
Monday, November 20, 2006
Life is a Game
Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you--if you don't play, you can't win.
- Robert Heinlein
Gotta play the game and give it at least one shot. It might not be the shot you practiced for all year, you may not have practiced it ever, but if you don't throw the damn ball, it will never go anywhere.
My biggest fear is getting too attached. And honestly? It's too late for that anyhow. But what's the point anyhow? To be morbid, I'm going to DIE sooner or later, and I'll have to leave everything I love. But does that mean I'm going to stop loving because I might one day not have it? Not chance.
Most things in the world are finite. Love isn't. And I will continue to pour it into everything I can.
- Robert Heinlein
Gotta play the game and give it at least one shot. It might not be the shot you practiced for all year, you may not have practiced it ever, but if you don't throw the damn ball, it will never go anywhere.
My biggest fear is getting too attached. And honestly? It's too late for that anyhow. But what's the point anyhow? To be morbid, I'm going to DIE sooner or later, and I'll have to leave everything I love. But does that mean I'm going to stop loving because I might one day not have it? Not chance.
Most things in the world are finite. Love isn't. And I will continue to pour it into everything I can.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Questions, Happily Ever After
Questions to consider:
Where do I want to live?
Options: same apt, new apt in Berkeley, home (Cupertino), close to job (biking/walking)
First Choice: something in Berkeley
What do I want to do?
Options (all dependent on GETTING the job): TFA, SF Symphony, ECYS, office work
First Choice: SF Symphony
I suppose those are the only big questions.
***************************************************************
It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.
- Margaret Bonnano
10 minute reflection on this:
"Ever after", much like "forever" and "normal", exist because they don't. I mean "ever after" and "forever" exists, but only when it happens, and by then it is now, and normal only exists because there are such extremes. You can't plan for happiness. One can make preparations, one can hope for the best, but if one lives in making these plans, one's current happiness will never be achieved. What happens six months from now is exactly that: something that happens six months from now. And that's something that cannot be controlled. What one CAN control are the choices one makes for tonight, for tomorrow, and what's the harm in making the choices that makes one happy?
Looking at the next couple months makes me so apprehensive. I don't know where I'm living, who I'm living with, what I'm doing, whether I like what I'll be doing, and many more uncertainties. But I can't worry about that. I need to focus on now: applying for the job (and worrying about it if I get it) and figuring out my options. I have no doubt that I can find a job that pays well enough to pay rent and food and little luxuries. I would love to be in Berkeley, but I'm afraid of staying for the "wrong reasons". But if it's my reason, why does it have to be wrong?
I want my parents to support what I do, where I live. I don't want them to permanently have bad feelings about where I'm living, why I didn't come home, along with other choices I make. At the same time, I feel like there are things I cannot talk to my parents about. Things they choose not to deal with, things they choose to ignore.
Really? I want to make my own choices and still be able to watch TV with my mother.
Where do I want to live?
Options: same apt, new apt in Berkeley, home (Cupertino), close to job (biking/walking)
First Choice: something in Berkeley
What do I want to do?
Options (all dependent on GETTING the job): TFA, SF Symphony, ECYS, office work
First Choice: SF Symphony
I suppose those are the only big questions.
***************************************************************
It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.
- Margaret Bonnano
10 minute reflection on this:
"Ever after", much like "forever" and "normal", exist because they don't. I mean "ever after" and "forever" exists, but only when it happens, and by then it is now, and normal only exists because there are such extremes. You can't plan for happiness. One can make preparations, one can hope for the best, but if one lives in making these plans, one's current happiness will never be achieved. What happens six months from now is exactly that: something that happens six months from now. And that's something that cannot be controlled. What one CAN control are the choices one makes for tonight, for tomorrow, and what's the harm in making the choices that makes one happy?
Looking at the next couple months makes me so apprehensive. I don't know where I'm living, who I'm living with, what I'm doing, whether I like what I'll be doing, and many more uncertainties. But I can't worry about that. I need to focus on now: applying for the job (and worrying about it if I get it) and figuring out my options. I have no doubt that I can find a job that pays well enough to pay rent and food and little luxuries. I would love to be in Berkeley, but I'm afraid of staying for the "wrong reasons". But if it's my reason, why does it have to be wrong?
I want my parents to support what I do, where I live. I don't want them to permanently have bad feelings about where I'm living, why I didn't come home, along with other choices I make. At the same time, I feel like there are things I cannot talk to my parents about. Things they choose not to deal with, things they choose to ignore.
Really? I want to make my own choices and still be able to watch TV with my mother.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Feeling Thankful
I am lucky in so many ways. I will glory in that luckiness. Not shove-it-in-somebody-else's-face kind of glory, but in a I-appreciate-every-moment sort of glory. I will bask in the warmth of everything that is my life, that is everything that makes my life.
Day after Thanksgiving fondue. Fondue has become such a needed tradition. Just because we're in college doesn't mean we can't have fun without alcohol. Chocolate is amazing stuff. As are board games, both of our childhood and the newer games.
He's going to come visit. It's only a two days and one night. I want to show off my family, my friends, my hometown, even if I do have my issues with it.
Plan so far:
Fri: arrive, library?, downtown, dinner with the fam, fondue/games with the hs gang
Sat: farmer's market, lunch with the fam, sister to airport, dad to airport/return to berkeley
Hopefully, I'll have spent enough time with my parents to make this all okay. I'm all theirs on Thursday, so... Maybe I will be nice and stay until Sunday.
Missing everybody doesn't really hit me until I start talking to people about coming back, until I start planning for the get-togethers. Even if it seems like I'm fine not talking to everybody for such a long time, I do miss people, and count down until I go home to run into them at Safeway, at Tap-x, just driving around. It might be as much of "home" as it used to be, but it's still home. I still miss it.
This has been a good week. I've slept early, and gradually made my way over to the gym for pilates or yoga classes. I'm an hour late going to sleep, but hopefully I'll get my butt over to pilates tomorrow. ^.^
Thank you, everybody. For everything. I shall be more specific later, perhaps. For now, adieu, and good night.
Day after Thanksgiving fondue. Fondue has become such a needed tradition. Just because we're in college doesn't mean we can't have fun without alcohol. Chocolate is amazing stuff. As are board games, both of our childhood and the newer games.
He's going to come visit. It's only a two days and one night. I want to show off my family, my friends, my hometown, even if I do have my issues with it.
Plan so far:
Fri: arrive, library?, downtown, dinner with the fam, fondue/games with the hs gang
Sat: farmer's market, lunch with the fam, sister to airport, dad to airport/return to berkeley
Hopefully, I'll have spent enough time with my parents to make this all okay. I'm all theirs on Thursday, so... Maybe I will be nice and stay until Sunday.
Missing everybody doesn't really hit me until I start talking to people about coming back, until I start planning for the get-togethers. Even if it seems like I'm fine not talking to everybody for such a long time, I do miss people, and count down until I go home to run into them at Safeway, at Tap-x, just driving around. It might be as much of "home" as it used to be, but it's still home. I still miss it.
This has been a good week. I've slept early, and gradually made my way over to the gym for pilates or yoga classes. I'm an hour late going to sleep, but hopefully I'll get my butt over to pilates tomorrow. ^.^
Thank you, everybody. For everything. I shall be more specific later, perhaps. For now, adieu, and good night.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
-4:00 and counting
I now have -4 minutes to write this before I fall into my bed to rest in peaceful slumber.
I have realized that I talk things to death. I mean, if *I get sick of it, can you imagine everyone else? That's not to say I only worry about unimportant matters, but it does mean that I over-worry and bore everybody to death. Maybe not death, that's morbid.
I am slowly letting go of everything. The trick is to not let go until you can, and then to let it go when you can. A wonderful gal in women's chorale saved my neck by assuming my section leader duties, and the officers in UCCE are wonderful about making sure I'm not too stressed out. I need to find BareStage a new Managing Director, and encourage people run for an UCCE Officer position next year. There are girls that are ready to take on more definite positions of leadership, and that makes me happy.
I'm great at making time for other people, and until recently, have not been great at making time for myself. That, I think, is changing this semseter, for better or for worse. A friend put it very well when she said, "You have to make time to do nothing." And while I can't do that ALL of the time, it certainly doesn't hurt to do it some of the time. It's nice to just go home and relax, after getting some work done at school. It's nice to just rest with somebody at the end of the day. It's nice to settle into bed at a relatively normal hour and know that there's always tomorrow. Well, usually there's tomorrow. There's the morbidity again.
Now I'm officially really late in going to bed.
There do exist lots of things to worry about, but I will remember that at the same time, there exist a lot of things to delight in.
LIKE SLEEP. 1 hour and 10 minutes later, off I go. I'm not nearly done with all I every have to say, but if that day comes, wouldn't life be boring afterwards?
Don't take anything for granted and don't be afraid to love the silly little things.
I'll do my best.
I have realized that I talk things to death. I mean, if *I get sick of it, can you imagine everyone else? That's not to say I only worry about unimportant matters, but it does mean that I over-worry and bore everybody to death. Maybe not death, that's morbid.
I am slowly letting go of everything. The trick is to not let go until you can, and then to let it go when you can. A wonderful gal in women's chorale saved my neck by assuming my section leader duties, and the officers in UCCE are wonderful about making sure I'm not too stressed out. I need to find BareStage a new Managing Director, and encourage people run for an UCCE Officer position next year. There are girls that are ready to take on more definite positions of leadership, and that makes me happy.
I'm great at making time for other people, and until recently, have not been great at making time for myself. That, I think, is changing this semseter, for better or for worse. A friend put it very well when she said, "You have to make time to do nothing." And while I can't do that ALL of the time, it certainly doesn't hurt to do it some of the time. It's nice to just go home and relax, after getting some work done at school. It's nice to just rest with somebody at the end of the day. It's nice to settle into bed at a relatively normal hour and know that there's always tomorrow. Well, usually there's tomorrow. There's the morbidity again.
Now I'm officially really late in going to bed.
There do exist lots of things to worry about, but I will remember that at the same time, there exist a lot of things to delight in.
LIKE SLEEP. 1 hour and 10 minutes later, off I go. I'm not nearly done with all I every have to say, but if that day comes, wouldn't life be boring afterwards?
Don't take anything for granted and don't be afraid to love the silly little things.
I'll do my best.
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