is indifference...

... really worse than either extreme?

So I went to see a counselor, because the Tang Center told me to. His suggestion: "Relax." Wow. Really?

I think I'm relaxed. Maybe I'm just as good at self-deception as I'm good at self-sabotage.

I have been sleeping better for the last two days. Knock on wood. I've also been seeing the same two people for the past five days. It's amazing what you do/don't make time for. Maybe it makes me a bad person. But being able to lounge at three am and have it just be comfortable is nice. Maybe it's nice because there are no strings attached, no awkward conversations. Can I be content without making things more difficult?

I should call somebody back. But I feel like I can't have that conversation without being defensive to start with. And it's not as if they are making me defensive. It's the guilty-conscience syndrome.

On the couch, I attempt to sleep, again. We'll see how this goes.

I just want to be okay. I don't think I deserve to have a completely shitty life nor do I feel entitled to have a fabulous one.

Sorry for the incoherency. It's my life.