ignore please

I know I'm a bad person sometimes. I used to think that at least it is better than not knowing. While it's still better than, it's not really good enough. Making things more complicated never really helped anyone but driving yourself crazy seems almost less helpful. Am I selfish in that I'm not willing to go crazy for everybody else's sake? Why do people do things they don't mean? I don't exclude myself from this category of "people". I've definitely done it. I'm not proud of it, but I refuse to decieve myself about it. I just want to know one way or another. At this point, I don't even really care what it is, I just want to stop guessing. I always think that "well, if they knew then they wouldn't do [insert bad choices here]." Past experience has proven otherwise. I hate when other people guess at my feelings, why can't I just do what I make everybody else do? I don't want to lose people just because I can't handle it. Just like I don't wnat to drop anything because I can't handle it. I can totally handle it. Maybe it's self-deception. But then again, I've gotten quite good at it.