Summer Recap

Ah. End of summer = time, yet again, for (attempting) reflection.

What I've done:

• traveled to Taiwan by myself, more or less
• went to a doctor in China
• got IV shots for the first time
• went to an acupuncturist
• "fixed" my skin problems
• limited greatly the types of food, especially meat, I can eat
• seen (and yes, this is for shock value) 4 amphitheater plays, 5 free plays, for a total of 8 plays/musicals (bigger than jesus, restoration comedy, ennio, happy end, ragtime, rent, much ado about nothing, merchant of venice)
• hung out lots with certain people
• entertained mobs of people at my gorgeous apt
• purchased $150 worth of groceries in one go, then $185 at costco. there goes working this summer
• started biking. I suppose I'm still in the process of starting, I haven't gotten very much better
• sat in the rose garden in Berkeley
• did NOT go to Oregon
• attended yoga class at ungodly hours of the morning
• worked for insane hours, not all of which was paid
• did lots of barestage work for the year
• walked in San Francisco more times than I have my entire LIFE
• walked the Golden Gate Bridge
• welcomed home a crazy friend who biked cross country
• made a website. More exciting to me than you, I'm sure

I have discovered:

• I want to go somewhere by myself. Live by myself, and travel by myself. Meeting up with friends occassionally is fine, but I want to go somewhere where I'm not living with family or friends.
• I like html/the concept of programming much more than I knew. Unfortunately, I'm trying to graduate. Fortunately, my dad has an enormous java book and I have tons of friends that program. ^.^s
• I worry about things more than I should, more than is healthy. I'm also good at talking myself into things I didn't previously believe.
• I am a workaholic. I am really bad at leaving or saying no. I do not have healthy eating habits. Nor sleeping habits, for that matter.
• I like reading. A lot. The reason I don't like reading non-fiction is because I feel like it is less okay to be disappointed; whereas, there is so much bad fiction out there that one simply cannot expect everything to be good.
• I will read almost anything. Especially if it is delivered.
• I still want to do too much. I think I frustrate people.
• I am extremely lucky: in the friends I have, the adults that I have met, the people that I work with, the family I have. There are times I doubt I am ready to leave this all behind.

What I'm not proud of:

• staying up too late
• not getting up early enough
• allowing that to be an excuse
• almost making the possibly biggest mistake of my life, thus far
• not getting as much work done
• not making it to yoga every day
• not spending more time with my cousins
• stressing myself, and by extension, others out
• talking myself into insecurities and doubts

What I AM proud of:

• freaking out less
• not going to Canada
• not eating all the food I wasn't supposed to eat
• not playing heroes v for over a week
• working
• not being a hermit for the entire summer
• shortening a five hour meeting to three (although it MAY be because I talk fast)
• keeping in touch with friends even if they weren't here
• making it home a couple times a week when my dad came/left, my cousins came/left, more important family things
• not being quite as addicted to my computer
• making an origami tesselation
• keeping my room somewhat clean
• cooking for 15 people

Thank you for a wonderful summer! Here's to a beautiful year to come.

still good

I love visitors! Especially when I have a gorgeous apartment to show off (thank you to you-know-who). Although, lots of visitors means a lot of eating out for me. I've had to throw food away because it keeps going bad. :(

In good food news, I went to Berkeley Bowl again (heaven of my life), and bought yummy blueberries. I LOVE blueberries. I also overdosed a little bit in the Walgreen dollar sale department. Oops.

Not much to say, I guess, been living the life! The retired life, as Irene would say. But yoga, books, and frisbee will keep me pretty busy. On top of seeing my friends, which doesn't seem to be happening quite as much as it should be. I sit sometimes, just looking outside and feel spoiled as heck.

I walked over to the rose garden the other day with a friend. It's amazingly gorgeous. We just walked around and sat around and spent a lazy afternoon, albeit with a lot of walking. Then I went to Zachary's with people. CRAZY. You have to WAIT for a WAIT TIME. It was ridiculous, but yummy. Last week, nine people slept at my apartment. So feel free to come visit!

I guess I'm trying not to forget how wonderful my summer is. I hope I don't ever.

Let's have fun. I'll have a bike by Thursday, and I'm looking forward to exploring Berkeley!

good times

Basically, my face is allergic to sweat or heat. Something like that. It's lame and gross. Basically, I can't run during the day anymore. Maybe I'll take up cycling, or just work harder at frisbee. Or just bringing a little spray thing with me to keep my face cool, but no running for me until I'm better. Bah. But I'm actually trying at frisbee now! Which means I'm running into people, falling down, and bruising my fingers. But I'm less scared, and am excited about actually getting better!

I might be seeing a show this weekend, it depends on who wants to go with me. ^.^ A friend from hs came up yesterday to play frisbee and to hang out, yay for good late falling-asleep convos! Another friend's coming today. My cousin came for two days, and my parents and family friends are coming up tonight.

Summer is treating me very well, come enjoy it with me!

summer bliss

Gorgeous apartment, RSF membership (free yoga classes), running in the hills, friends down the street, frisbee every night, easy job, good books, and fabulous friends. What more can I ask for?
That's right. NOTHING.

I am cooking, I am sleeping, I am reading, I am exercising, I am socializing, I am planning (but not too much), I am Living.

My skin is better, my temper is better, my health is better, and the list goes on.

My biggest problem right now is figuring out whether to put stuff on my walls or not. Life is so good.

OH. I went to the library, and I guess it doesn't open until noon, and there were 30 people standing outside waiting for it to open. Made my day. That's awsesome.

In other news, my cousin came today. In other other news, I lost a new bart ticket on the BART. :( But I read Ian McEwan's Enduring Love. It's sort of scary. Not in the horror sense, but in the people sense. One BART ride, one book. I'm liking this a lot.

So obviously, I'm not doing much this summer. So let me know when you're free and let's DO something. Tuesdays: Anna's Jazz Island Open Mike, Shattuck DownLow Karaoke. Frisbee every day. Fridays and Saturdays: Montero's $8 salsa lessons/dancing. Let's have FUN!

another update

6/4
ate lunch w/ the uncle

6/5
watched m:i:III, it was actually not awful.. i'm a little confused with the plot, but whatever
shopped at ny, ny (another mall)

6/6
went to three malls...
and bought four dvds and a cd
a deck of chinese poem playing cards
postcards

is $104 worth 20+ hours of my life? i'm thinking yes. oregon - here i come (i mentioned going to my mother, she didn't say no!)

taiwan update

Still in Taiwan's sweltering hot, humid, clutches, but I am thoroughly enjoying my time here. I've gone to the Shu-Lin night market TWICE, tons of malls, lots of street shops, and bookstores (for stationery). I haven't bought THAT many things (I don't think), but I did shop! Good thing I'm not really shopped out.

I've bought:
5 pairs of pants (390, 395, 395, 200, 200)
2 skirts (100, 200)
1 tank top (100)
1 blouse (200)
3 camisoles (99, 99, 99)
8 pairs of sockes (33, 33, 33, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20)
1 pair of shoes (190)
lots and lots of stationery (exacto knives, a present for jonjow, project case, folders, letter sets, water proof bag, bookmarks, planners, origami paper, name cards, eraser, clips, pencil, eyelash curler (not stationery, I know))

I feel very productive!

Things are clearing up on the school front, thanks to certain people at CAL. Thank goodness. I'm just waiting for the good news to roll in.

Pet peeve: annoying voices. DRIVES ME CRAZY. I'm going to try really hard to not sound annoying. Goodness.

5/27
tagged along with my dad to a meeting, then walked around in the rain

5/28
rain, rain, go away, come again (not) another day.

5/29
rain + book

5/30
picked up glasses
walked around in the rain
ate shaved ice... with ICE CREAM on top. WHAT?

5/31
walked to my other grandmother's house the LONG way. oops, but it was fun.
talked to the ancestors
shu lin night market - arcade games and lots of food

6/1
shu lin night market - again. i know i know. but i bought the five pairs of pants. ridiculous, but i needed pants!

6/2
yong-kang street and taiwan normal university night market - food food and more food, some stationery stores, and more food.

6/3
o-lai - there are hot springs up there, but we just walked around a LOT, basically hiking, but with stairs. it was gorgeous! from the outside you can't see anything, cuz they let the trees grow taller to cover the stairs. we got to the top and there was AN AMUSMENT PARK. wasn't that big, but there were rides and swimming pool and what not. CRAZY.

looking forward to going home. ^.^

All the King's Men - Robert Penn Warren

This book came highly recommended, and I have to say, I'm not disappointed in the least. We may have liked it for very different reasons (this is all speculation), but regardless, it was very well worth the last two days of my life. I've typed up 10 pages of quotes. Some of the sentences were a bit long, and probably not grammatically correct, but the lenghts he goes to describe a feeling, or a truth is incredible.

Unless it was that Lois was in love with me. I put this possibility in the list merely for logical and schematic completeness, for I am quite sure that the only things Lois knew about love was how to spell the word and how to make the physiological adjustments traditionally associated with the idea. (Jack Burden, 303)

Going through the motions doesn't make it love. Lack of a better term doesn't make it love. It either is or isn't. Or it's in the process of getting there, but it shouldn't be a conclusion derived from the lack of better conclusions. But who am I to say? What do I really know about love that nobody else does? Right. Nothing.

Moving on.

I said to somebody a while back, and it still rings true.. "I don't spend enough time with anybody to like them." Sure, I crush on my boys every now and then (or every now and always), but how much of it just fun and how much of it is real? I just want something real. It doesn't have to be a fairy tale, it doesn't have to be perfect, in fact, it shouldn't be. But it should be sincere, and something well worth my time. I invest my time so poorly that I don't think I can or want to afford making a mistake in this arena. Hence, I run away, I don't return phone calls, I quit before I can make a wrong move. I'll never win a game a chess if I refuse to play. I'll never lose, true, but can my goal really be to merely not lose?

Not that life is about winning or losing. I'm just saying that I can't expect anything to work out if I never let it get past the gates. I do such a good job of protecting my feelings that I sometimes feel like I sabatoge myself so that somebody else deson't get to.

I didn't used to be so insecure. I put up a good front (I like to believe), but I worry and stress over the stupidest things! I don't say ANYTHING and I make people guess. I make them talk and I make them decide. Then my job is easy, I say yes or no. I gauge how sincere I think they are by what they say, and then basically pass judgement. But even then I don't really decide. I pretty much go with whatever THEY decide. Which is my choice. I don't want to choose. I carefully relieve myself of all decision-making. My only choice is to go with their choice.

It always ends up being "we'll see." Which is fair, but "we'll see" usually translates into we stop talking. Either by my avoidance or by circumstance. I just want to stop freaking out about whether to worry about whether they do this or that.

Leaving the country probably doesn't help matters. I just hope they make up their minds, so I won't have to. Of course I have an opinion, I'll just never admit to them. Or maybe I never admit to them because I can't commit to an opinion. Either way, things will be fine. All these boats will end up on the same shore, only the journey will differ.

AHHH. I have all these little systems in my head that I have to follow. They're stupid systems and stupid rules, but I follow them regardless.

Everything will always work out, but doesn't that make it harder to choose?

sd tour, taiwan "rehab"

::shh:: don't tell anybody, but I was sort of dreading tour. With all the last minute changes, cancelled gigs, I just didn't want to be there.

Note on tour committee: It's not anybody's fault that everything didn't happen smoothly. I experimented with not hand holding (message boards and emails), but the fact is that everybody's too busy to take initiative and just do things. I really couldn't afford to have meetings where I read them my emails to them. Maybe it's a sign that I shouldn't have chaired the committee this year. Everything went fine, everything always will, but there are so many things that could have been better.

Thank goodness for certain people (not even on tour committee!) who just helped me out a lot. Tour was successful, people had fun (I hope), and everybody's back safely.

Thank goodness for facebook and facebook whores. Now I can't forget anything that happened!

I could have slept a little more, but then again, I can always sleep a little more (except for now). Hopefully it will be worth it. Regardless, no regrets!

So my sleeping log in Taiwan:
12 hours on the plane
7 hours from 10:30pm to 5:30am
7 hours from 5:30am to 12:30pm (it was raining so we couldn't go to the market.. :( )
7 hours from 7:30 pm to 2:30am
7 hours from 3pm to 10pm, then insominiac-ish sleep from 10pm to 5am.

I think I need 7 hours to feel rested. I think I am all caught up on sleep. YES.

Unfortunately, I feel shopped out. It's my third day here, and I feel like I'm done with shopping. Maybe I'll go visit my other family in Taipei. I just don't have anything to say, really. I'm quite happy with my computer and my book (which I'm going to finish probably this morning).

back to book!

quick update...

... while I hog the computer at the China Airlines lounge at SFO. (and finish this in taiwan...)

Of all the things that are cool, but useless. ::sigh::

Chorale Tour 06
San Diego, May 21-24

Day 1:

• left at 7 to get to berkeley by 9
• printed last-minute maps, made copies, ran to jamba (can you say ADDICTION?)
• drove to north hollywood for the noho arts festival (... reminded so much of all you stanford kids)
• drove to monterey park to pick somebody up
• drove back to north hollywood, ate at pitfire pizza yum!
  
• planned the rest of tour
• slept, or didn't sleep, rather, at good nite inn - sea world

Day 2:

• breakfast at denny's!
  
• rehearsed
• sauntered around old town
• sang at horton plaza (with its weird sloping levels)
• ate at seaport village
• DENNY'S, visit #2, i believe

Day 3:

• rehearsed
• ZOO! we almost didn't go, but it was definitely worth it. unfortunately, the tiger was gone. fortunately, the pandas, koalas, monkeys, birds, rhinos, hippos, and all the people were.
  
• some little kid was pushing his own stroller bawling his eyes out, sees me, hits me a couple of times, and then keeps walking to his daddy. JUST BECAUSE I'M ASIAN! well, that's what I'm guessing...
  
• sang at ucsd on the avenue with the beat-uh (that joke got so old so fast), they sang a lot of decadence songs, but they were fun
• signed somebody's bathroom!
  
• saw forbidden broadway at the theater in old town, they spoofed so many musicals! and and and i could see the pianist (his hands anyway) and i gushed a LOT about it... people now think i'm lame
• rode to ucsd to pick people up, dragged somebody with me (wasn't serious.. i promise!)

Day 4

• rode to Sherman Oaks to sing - beautiful mall
• dropped people off in pleasanton
• went HOME

and that was SD.

5/25

• early berk trip
• crammed to finish stuff
• hurt my hand
• cleaned my apartment
• went home late
• ate dinner
• super-packed
• watched band concert
• finished packing
• ate cake (for an early birthday... SUPER early)
• went to the airport

5/26

• slept for almost all 12:40 hours on the plane. YES
• bused to grandparent's house
• went to the market, ordered glasses (dark red frames!), got a haircut, shopped (shirt and a skirt for around $3.22 each, a skirt for $6.45, and ORANGE SHOES (well, tan and orange) for $6.13)
• ate rice-dumplings-wrapped-in-lotus-leaves (who said chinese wasn't efficient.. two syllables!)
• bought running shoes
• visited my other grandmother and family
• ate a LOT of food... oops
• ate cake, and celebrated the multiple birthdays that are in june (consecutively, no less)

and i am ACTUALLY going to post this today, because otherwise this is LAME.

note: to anybody who cares... update means quick run-through of what i did. anything "meaningful" will be under a different heading.

packing..

on my mind:

• blackened catfish with chili lime butter (spenger's and caffe giovanni) ... mmmmm
• la note salmon
• storming la note with 22 people
• graduation of a wonderful friend
• rain! in may.
  
• trying eggplant and american scrambled eggs
• home cooking
• sister cooking with WINE?
• orange!
• water bottle... coolness
• hanging out with friends
• crashing rehearsals
• running rehearsals when the director forgets but is down the hall but nobody thought to check
• buying used books
• getting used books free because there's mold inside
• origami
• shows
• da vinci code! with a friend and her friend (expanding my social circle?? see what procrastination does?)
• killing time on shockwave.com
• keeling over in laughter because a friend "thought my roommate and i were lovers" and nobody getting it because everyone missed his hand signals
• sleeping. in my BED. amazing.
  
• nice professors/gsi's who are concerned for me
• everybody who is concerned for me
• excitement about the summer and my one month of driving... monterey, santa cruz, sunnyvale, palo alto, home, HERE I COME
• sd, taiwan/china/hong kong, and maybe sd again.
  
• figuring out my life. to graduate early or on time? ed minor or just credential?

Gratitude to everything and everybody. No, that doesn't cheapen anything! For all you have done, for all you will do, I thank you. If I can ever be of service, do not hesitate to call.

Love may not be the answer, but it's a pretty good guess until you find it.