"Most people would rather be certain they're miserable than risk being happy."
A random quote I stumbled upon in Google Feeds. Seems silly, doesn't it? Even so, I understand a little of what the quoted person meant.
Control. That's really all it is. If I believe I can control my destiny, and I can't seem to make myself happy, then I am a failure. However, I CAN make myself miserable. This is much easier than making myself happy. And I know that
I did that. I had that control. I had that ability to make myself that way.
Why is it so hard to be happy? It's much less explainable. The things that make us the most happy sometimes aren't as straightforward as the things that make us sad. I can be sad because somebody was mean to me, because I didn't accomplish something, because I am still stuck on something I have been stuck on forever. What makes me happy? A beautiful day, an appropriately timed peck on the cheek, a kind word spoken by somebody at exactly the right moment.
Sometimes, we can do all the right things and still not be happy. This in itself is frustrating. It's even more so when we
know we have the capability to control our happiness. Yet sometimes it is still unattainable. Instead of facing that and being happy with what we have done so far, reveling in the process, and basking in the hope of what is to come, we falter; we think, if I try so hard and still fail, maybe I should just fail better. Fail bigger. We sabotage ourselves so we can admire our own handiwork.
Although this is far from pure speculation, I have moved past of most of this and am allowing myself to feel happiness. To not question it too much. To let it be.
Sometimes, the absence of trying is all that is needed to feel the pure happiness that has already been presented to us.
